Box full of sharpies, and a bathroom stall wall.

Welcome to my cock

2010-11-26T19:10:00.003-05:00

I'm tired of using the evocative heart image to describe my waxing and waning self. I wrote a short monologue for an open mic at the illustrious Marburg hotel here in Cincinnati, speaking of my frustrations with this image, and the apparent lack of mention of cock anywhere in the conventional mode of love poetry. I'm not fifteen anymore, so accusations of low brow humor just will not do. I did not however read this monologue, therefore will attempt to rehash it here.

I am student of love, or life (aren't we all?) and recently was ejected from a very fine academy in the shape of a woman. Ejected, more like pushed out in such a way that requires my own momentum. Now I tumble through the ages, the winters pressing upon me in an indelible fashion.

…

The heart is tied to the sex organs, therefore to my cock -- neither the form nor the shape, nor it's potential to another, for those aren't my concerns, but the idea of my sexuality extending beyond mere thought, but to tangible reason and forward motion; weather vane.

and the use of the word cock, rather than penis, is for poetic effect. cock is a word that sits awkwardly on the throne of consciences everywhere, and I intend to reclaim it here. We live in subtle times, awkward times, times of too many apologies. Bluntness is a forgotten virtue in my book.

…

forgetting where I went from here, I start again on another venture.

…

forcing myself to read last friday night at the Marburg Hotel, showed me that I need to spur my own side in this. that until writing becomes a habit again, I must force myself to do it, and regularly. Thus, you the reader will maybe see a bit more of me here in the written form, and my love goes out to you.

welcome back, corey.

visions of the young cat

2008-10-27T01:53:00.002-04:00

visions of the young cat

wrapped tightly in blankets of it's
own flesh reminds me of my own
dealings with disintegrating treaties
from the booming nations of she
in contrast to the burning lands of mine.

to claim by sleeping.
a final resort of limp extremity,
a reaction much like chaining
myself to nature, enduring
tears of a cloud, rolling off
the yellow paint of man's
machinery. what's under me
is mine to keep, unlike mood
or song to hearing ears.

business as usual here,
i'm trying to cut and run
to paradise, despite
my undesirable position
here on earth at hand.
my body, the mark left
in the bent blades of grass,
the calm slow standing
circle showing where i've
been and never to return,
the ballad of a stray cat
is well sung by the lover's
tongue.

Gastronomically Speaking, Of Course.

2008-08-13T20:32:00.000-04:00

When I get back:

I'd like to start a small improv group, nothing extreme, nothing
community involved [intially, we'll ride the waves and see which
islands/islanders we run into], just plain fun with friends.

I'd like to have that dance party/open mic/fashion show i've always
talked about. I've got more clothes than really needed for one person,
let's put those on other people, and fucking rock.

I'd love to listen to all of my records, new and old, with a lot of
people; one, two, ten.

I'd like to paint sum more, although I believe my painting partner to be
a bit busier than usual, well actually maybe not.

I'd like to write some more, I wrote most of all of my stuff last year
in the fall and winter, and well those two seasons are certainly
approaching faster than two jets duct taped to deloreans.

I'd like to improve on trans-social relations. I have a couple of social
circles, and it really freaks me out when I run into more than one of
them on a wednesday evening, only to feel torn between the two.
Surrealistically, I want to pick each one of the people involved up,
cram them into my body made of chewed bubble gum, stand tall and make a
decision for the whole body to mingle.

I'd like to read more. I'm reading more already, and I will be
considering this is when my major is let out of the cage, and all I have
is a wooden sword and shield.

I'd like to reorganize my room, not too much, nothing drastic, but
something needs to happen with my bed and all my books and closet space.

Perhaps I'll append to this list at another time.

- c

the last bit of hair pulled underneath the sand

2008-07-21T20:28:00.002-04:00

i'm leaving for California in less than three days.
i, the adventurous and potentially stubborn traveler, purchased a one-way ticket. That being said, I don't know the exact date/method of return I will return on/by.

one of my best friends, and first dog was put down today.
Bo, short for Bohemoth, who had been suffering for some time from leg problems, was taken to the vet today for further examination. The decision was made today to euthanize him, an act of absolution of the cancer lacing his bones.

perhaps I'll walk with him again on the astral plane, but until then Bo, i'll miss you very much.

an attempt to reach hands

2008-06-25T18:02:00.001-04:00

I think we live like we sing, some sing loudly while others sing to
themselves. But unlike singing, the ability to live is not a gift, rather it is a
given, something pinned to our backs when we exit the womb, and for the
rest of our lives we try to stretch our arms around to grab it from that
very difficult spot to reach. Some of us can reach it pretty quickly as
regards to the whole life timeline, but i believe most of us to need
someone to help us pick it off, or something to flow as a strong current
of wind blowing it to our feet, where we can casually and maybe
desperately bend over and retrieve.

and we should admire them, our friends. compliment them sparingly, but
do it. they are all apart of us, in memory, in habit, in action, in
response.

for the world needs laughter, unity through joy and happiness, in
addition to everything else we animals feel.

dead space trip

2008-04-19T18:45:00.002-04:00

It was to my surprise that:

a) Today was National Record Store Day

and

b) I was to find The Mothers: Live at the Fillmore 1971 on some hot wax.
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fillmore_East_-_June_1971]

I met some older man, who explained to me the history behind a Zep record [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Through_the_Out_Door] and that the original release (then on some very hot wax) had each cover bagged over with brown paper. There were six or so different versions of the casing: each one had a different perspective of the six people in a photo of a bar scene.

I also picked up one solid Mount Eerie LP; so wondrous, almost magical; it's fairly dense.
You'd need to come over to see it.
[http://www.discogs.com/release/497719]

I also got some limited 7'' by The Black Keys and Built to Spill
[http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/49801-death-cab-rem-built-to-spill-black-keys-celebrate-record-store-day-with-exclusive-singles]
I also got the Merge 7'' with Destroyer and Wye Oak. I here Destroyer being thrown at me all the time, but never Wye Oak.

save the seven inch

my change of address form comes later.

2008-04-12T18:29:00.003-04:00

i'm realizing a change in tune of instrument that ties my hands to my head.

normally i just record an image, like scratching such onto a disc of wax, or as seen in art classes around the world, paint onto a leaf of paper.

recently, i have noticed the addition of a question.
I question things, por ejemplo:

Today I stood on my porch in solace. Heads peak out of the apartments near me, childish curiousity. A stumbler, almost drifter even passed me, altering his path for a moment to wave.
How pleasant! I wave back, he waves again, and again, and again. Finally his brain connects his hand to a new state of mind: a recognition of acknowledgment. The full finger symbol of greeting reverses to his palm facing away from my open one, and all of his fingers but one shot dead.

I opened my mouth as i stared at the reiteration of myself consolidated into his rude gesture teeming with nonchalance. Who else saw this dirty mirror, didn't matter anymore. It was just us three there: the man, myself, and the monolith, standing in the largest room this earth hotel could allot. He came in and went out just as fast. All-in-transit.

I love cincinnati.

v

2007-11-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

i think i'll start creeping up the side of the hill now

maybe then will the seasons understand me

'woe is i'

i stands for infinite

too much blood swells my heart, my head, and my body

i just may explode now

i

2007-11-01T18:08:00.000-04:00

somedays i feel a bit dead

out of my hands

common cliché is writ

i don't even call for the

work of the up and

coming corey,

i want to wrap

myself in my own

flag and immolate

while my own anthem

plays at my own funeral

i wish i could paint.

2007-09-07T21:03:00.000-04:00

when I looked up
from the typed sheet,
the painter must have left
his heart must have been stolen
the owner was half painted
the rest was lines--
a drunken paint-by-number,
the girl was too.

the fulcrum at her head
they were beautiful gymnasts
but only for a second,
when a bold painted red
streak appeared over the front
of his pants, he turned to me
with fury
the gun
in his pocket
look heated,
redder than the streak
across his groin.

the girl ran forward
through the field of
grain, the most
colorful thing i have
ever seen,
the man drew his
revolver and fired twice
she was too far to see
her fall.

"Sugar on my tongue"

2007-08-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

I sit here in my chair, as I do most days or nights,
in my brown shirt, and my jean-shorts that have served
me more than two years now. I await the morrow, for much
work is needed to be done, and the yellow room lurches
towards me with an ugly yet welcoming finger.

I slept earlier after a hearty lunch of tomato
and lettuce, mayonnaise, potato, and a large selection
of vegetables paraded into my yearning stomach, fufilling
it's every want and desire to it's absolute threshold,
bringing me into a state of total lethargy. I limped out of
the car and fell into my bed, what ensued I cannot completely
remember, as most nap-related dreams go, I just remember what can be
eloquently described as a polite vomit, a colorful and bold stew of
relatively pleasant images with the hint of spice and blunder.
At the heart of it all there lies a bicycle of a unique flavor that happened to be getting further and further from my tongue and more importantly my stomach, drifting away at a stuttering pace, appearing here and there and sometimes not at all.

My phone rings, halting the ride, throwing me out of the cart and into a wall of latex, millions of condoms cut down the middle and sewn together to make one gigantic piece of rubber. When I come into contact with this slippery and stretchy wall, I must have hit a weak spot, for I broke through like a bird of prey swooping down from the trees to catch a meal. Unlike the bird of prey, I have no grace and also no stability, I plummet and fall to my death. When you die, you wake up. If you don't you must go to hell, for death brings about relative thoughts to nightmares.

I guess the point of all this semi fruitless banter, is that I need some wheels for the fall or I will have dino legs by the end of the quarter.

Two year old beef jerky

2007-08-16T17:02:00.000-04:00

Last night's concert was alright.
I enjoyed Band of Horses and Love as Laughter. Modest Mouse was okay. This would be the second time I've seen them. The first time was at The Madison Theatre in Covington, Kentucky. I dislike that venue very much. I've seen two shows there, and had a time not worthy of my dollar on both occasions. So the first time I saw Modest Mouse, it was the venue that made the show mediocre, and possibly the inebriation of the lead singer, Isaac Brock. So this time in Columbus, at Lifestyles Community Pavilion [formerly known as Promowest Pavillion], one of my favorite venues indoors and out, nothing could go wrong - or at least that's what i started with.

I love seeing my older friends.
And going to the modest mouse show would allow me to do it. Nothing against anybody in particular, but I love spending time with one friend alone. Call me selfish, but in full car a roadtrip just isn't the same to me as the two person one. So after a partial afternoon with a friend, I walked over to W Clifton and was pulled into the car by my legs, and off we went. 2 hours later we parked and got in line with our tickets and eventually we were about 2 or 3 people behind the stage, which is satisfactory.

Love as Laughter was alright.
I liked the lead singer's mannerisms, but not as much as the bassist of Band of Horses. Band of Horses was excellent. The frequent comparison to My Morning Jacket that is made was validated almost instantly. They are completely different bands, but the lead singers both sound similar.

Modest mouse had a bunch of lanterns on the stage.
and a white sheet that had a beer stain on it, i thought it was going to drop and reveal a bitchin' background as the ones for Tool or The Mars Volta had. The set list is as follows:

Invisible
Paper Thin Walls
Dashboard
Fire it Up
Satin in a Coffin
Float On
We've Got Everything
Trailer Trash
Education
Bukowski
The View
Black Cadillacs
Little Motel
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes [super jam]
Missed the Boat
Doin The Cockroach
[Encore]
Out of Gas
Bury Me With It
Spitting Venom (featuring lyrics from I Came As A Rat)

The set list all in all is not so bad,
although most of the songs I'd ever want to hear live will never ever be played by them again. So me and Rob are 2 or 3 people back, and as soon as Isaac starts playing, the assholes in the back start pushing people back and forth, as to start a mosh pit. I'm sorry, but if you mosh at a modest mouse concert, you need to get your head checked and by checked i mean fucking kicked. So my body is pressed firmly into the person's in front of me. I am fine with this, I have been to many shows where this has happened. My friend Rob kept getting elbowed in the head, not to mention hit in the arm which was recently made more vulnerable. So pushin'shovin'pushin'shovin' and then it gets crazier. I start to get pulled back, and after almost falling I lost my pen which was being used to record the set list. I turn to Rob, and yell "YOU WANNA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?" and he says yeah. and so we do. Upon getting out of the sea of retardation, I felt better - not to mention freer. This would be the first time I ever had to leave the pit. I was a little pissed, but I let it all go and just watched the show from a distance with all the older, drunker people. I walked down during Education or Bukowski and looked at the merch. The Hand t-shirt that Rob picked up lost it's appeal as I reflected on the band and the direction of their music and how much I disagree with their two newest albums. I spent my money elsewhere, and the result was much more satisfying, or at least I think it will be.

All in all, it was worth every penny.
As I mentioned before, I love hanging out with friends one-on-one, especially if I don't see them often. I had a blast with Rob, and the trip back was certainly most amusing. With the endless and futile quest for Taco Bell at our hands, not to mention a Bomb burrito, Herr's BBQ chips [as featured in an episode of The Office], a premade turkey and cheese sandwich, a bag of lays, and two fountain drinks, and a rear passenger window that that wouldn't go back up [sorry, Rob], it was one hell of a journey.

I have a friend that shared a bed with Jesus

2007-08-13T15:04:00.000-04:00

adium 1.1 has been released.
i noticed something weird when I tried to launch adium this morning [before the update] - it would crash upon launch for no apparent reason. Over and over and even after a restart. The bug has been reported, and is being taken care of - head over to the adium site if you feel you can help out. after the update i am able to launch, but the bug has been reported across a couple of different versions of the program.

korean film is where it's at.
Oldboy is in my top 20 for sure. It beats out your average tale of revenge. No bullshit, just Korean awesomeness. Keep in mind that Korean films have a great potential for excellent fight scenes because of the lack of legality of armaments to the public. I was always sick with gun fights and the whole notion of "bang! : you're dead." if you're in my neighborhood, don't hesitate to ask, i'd love to watch a korean film with you - or any movie for that matter.

fireworks are abundant.
well not too abundant, i just have a lot left over from my forth of july splurge. i would also like to celebrate some random foreign holiday with them. you know my email. Upcoming holidays include: Assumption Day [August 15] which is a catholic holiday that, according to [[Wikipedia]], celebrates the Virgin Mary's ascension into heaven. we're supposed to feast, i have a shit-ton of rice. we could launch off some bottle rockets while eating some rice - i'm game. please also note that later that night i'm going to a concert in columbus, so we'd have to celebrate this one a little early, possibly late tuesday and very early wednesday.
Other holidays include Indonesian independence day that friday [17], and… hell just check out my .

I have found a lot of grandaddy in the last couple of weeks
if you email me, i'll fill you in.

So there is the release of Adium 1.1, my love for Korean Film, and my ability to celebrate random foreign holidays with anybody.

peace, y'all.

couples can drown in separate cars

2007-07-31T07:35:00.000-04:00

i see you holding hands
walking tall
down the hall
in the stall
seeing god
while

i sword fight
with my many shadows
that have monkey-
like features
in the future
you'll all be the opposite
insideout
you'll exhale precious air
and inhale smoke

i hope you choke on dirt
i hope your paddles break
i hope your captain goes on
vacation
couples can drown in separate cars

good morning fuckers
this is your final
wake-up call

i see abraham lincoln

2007-07-31T06:42:00.000-04:00

i see abraham lincoln
i see abraham lincoln

hair is like cloudssss
sleep is like a peaceful world
no hate
just abraham lincoln
beard, hat, and teeth

he grinds his teeth in my
coffeeeee
too much grinding in my
cofeeeeeeeeeeeee

i'm sure he breakdances too
in my coffee
pop n' lock it fool

life is one extremely long
and sometimes exciting
monologue.
narrated by a dull
sloww, jazzy jeff voice
jazzy jeff and fresh
prince of my coffee

forty minutes of rock
three and a half of roll
ravirolly
scooby
fuckin'
doooooo

i'm vomiting into
the ocean now,
creating my own primordial
soup,

i look into the clouds and
i see abraham lincoln
yeah

Electrical Storm

2007-07-18T23:59:00.001-04:00

I have a feeling
its going to rain
again.

the odd combination
of hot sticky
yet calm and
beautiful
soothes
and compels me to
pick up my sword

As I pretend to get
drunk off cheap,
fruity wine,
the black
tree silhouettes
hang hard like
dead
clouds
in the dimly lit
sky

and like a cloud
with every flash I see
new shapes and old
past,
present,
and future.

"i can show you the future"

2007-07-12T10:08:00.001-04:00

I can go further
than this

Go further,
beyond this house
this city
this state,
this country,
this planet,
this galaxy,
this universe.

I am floating past,
drifting away,
nothing matters at
this point.

Transcending time,
beauty, money, the human
spirit; fear, greed, lust,
invisible ugliness,
i can show you the future.

We will all be there someday
sometime, we shall all be
free.

You'll see me sitting
on a bench; to some:
my "high horse."
But I won't see you,
at least not as you
see yourself.

To Me,
you will be less,
yet more.

Spark.

2007-07-09T02:53:00.000-04:00

sure there is a spark
a spark as big as
you
and
me

it's deep down in the wood
under the bark
be careful
though
you might blow it out
when you lift up
the
bark.

so next
time you
see the spark
in the bark

pause,
and think about
how long
you waited
for the spark
in the bark
to appear

Friends, Anymore?

2007-07-07T17:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I took you
off my top friends,
Corey. We just aren't
friends anymore.
You don't live nearby
anymore.
We don't hang out
anymore.
I don't know you
anymore.

I met you in the hospital,
Corey. You looked a pretty
mess. What is going on
Corey. Why aren't we
friends anymore?

Just because we have
lunch, doesn't mean we're
friends anymore.

Just because I can
make you laugh doesn't
mean we're
friends anymore.

I pull out my legal
stationary,
and some sharp, pointy
object. We need to become
blood brothers now.
Give me your hand.
Give me you hand.
Why, don't you want to be
friends anymore?

I will follow the Sun, all the way around the world.

2007-07-05T06:43:00.000-04:00

Well last night was full of partial, if not full inebriation on some people's parts, mediocrity, flashbacks of unfair abuse, and damn good corn & steak.

I honestly don't think I am going to sleep.
It's 6:45, the sun is coming up. I am more than halfway awake.
If I sleep now, I'll be in bed all fucking day.

I found some places to live for next year. Hooray!
I just need to sign some shit, and deposit some monies.

Tonight should be fun, or tomorrow night.
I really don't know which it will be.
I'll have my tape recorder ready, just in case a singalong is called for.

"I woke up thirsty on an island in the sea…"

2007-06-28T20:14:00.000-04:00

If it weren't for Phallus Face, I wouldn't be here right now.
If it weren't for anything, I wouldn't be here right now.
Not in this exact position, wearing what I am wearing,
listening to what I am listening to, tasting what I am tasting.

Never say that everything you do is insignificant, because it certainly has an effect on the outcome. The world is chaos. A bulbous mass of problems, solutions, and whatever in between.

Everything is subjective. Good, Bad, and Ugly. These things have different definitions to other people. It keeps the world interesting. Imagine if we all liked the same music, we would all be friends. It's cool to be nice to each other, but for everybody to be friends? We'd have no stories to tell. Everything would be peachy and nice and perfect. Imperfection is something to preserve. Although that also could be argued against, if there was a definition for perfection.

This is getting ridiculous. Or is it?

[Ready to Die - The Unicorns]

"Whereyoyaaaaa… Kaltchabrouunnd"

2007-06-26T17:05:00.000-04:00

So yeah... I triple featured it dawwggg.

I left around three or four minutes after I posted the blog-on-bottom.
As soon as I left, it began pouring rain. Elephants and giraffes, really.
I paid my 3 dolla comin' out the gair auge. Having not warmed up my car,
staying in gear was a problem for a minute or two, but it worked itself out
by the time I got to 471.

Traffic was congested, unlike what I expected.
It was 5 o' clock however on a MUNDAY
So I guess it was rush hour.
I pulled up the Newport on the Levee parking garage and paid my dues.

I parked and started running to the movie theatre, money in hand.
I bought my tickets, it was 5:28 - I barely made it.

1408 was a interesting idea, but for the most part executed in a manner close to mediocre.
There was one part in the beginning that just bothered me, it was a conversation between the Hotel Manager, played by Samuel L. Jackson, and the Mike Enslin [Cusack].
I guess I just didn't like the way dialogue was handled between characters.
Lucky for me most of the movie was spent in 1408 with Cusack talking to himself.

In between 1408 and the next film, I was stricken with hunger.
Originally, I would have been in the next film by this time [7:26]
But the 7:05 showing of Knocked Up had already began and I really don't like
missing any of a film. Anyhow, there was an hour to the next showing of Knocked Up and I guess hunger got the best of me.

I bought a "Moviegoers Nachos" which cost 6.50
The miniature circular tortilla chips were brought to me by Tostitos
and the cheese came in a yogurt style dipping cup heated by a red lamp.
I'll admit that I was filled on such examples of BADBADcapitalism.

Please note that if I left the the theatre, I would of had to pay 7.25 more than I did plus get a steak at the fishermans wharf or a burger at JOHNNIE ROCKETS [TOOGODDAMNNNPRICEY]

So after talking to a couple of friends, and consuming my cheese saturated salt covered corn chips, I walked into the 8:25 showing of Knocked Up. ¡ALZO David Engel joined my party!

This movie really made my night. I have been a fan of this whole Apatow business ever since I saw Undeclared back when it was on Fox. I caught a few episodes of Freaks and Geeks when it aired as well. Then I saw 40 Year old Virgin and completed Freaks and Geeks. Having soaked all that up during my maturing stages [STILL GOING GRANDMA!], seeing all the boys grown up and still goofin' off was REALLY NICEEE.

I have this thing about realistic comedies. They're something I can relate to - i mean I haven't slept with somebody while we were drunk and got her pregnant and then decided to have the baby or anything - but it is a situation I can imagine me or anybody around me in. And it's not Hollywood's milking the fuck out of the franchise with Adam Sandler or Christopher Walken or some motha. Or it's not liek HEY THESE GUYS ARE FUNNY LETS PUT 'EM TOGETHER AND GET SOME MONEY... FUNNY... MONEY... HAHAHAHAHA GARF.//

So yeah, Knocked Up certainly gets my good ratings. Like they matter in the industry.
I'd go for the 10/10 or at least 9 and a half...
1408 gets like a 5 or 6 out of 10

This brings me to the 10:30 showing of Evan Almighty - Pirates 3 wasn't really an option seeing that we got out of the movie at 10:41.

Evan was a lame excuse for a sequel.
I don't really want to spend time reviewing it.
3/10 - I really think they were going for a family film with this one.

[Radiohead - Let Down]

Defending My Independence

2007-06-25T16:47:00.000-04:00

Plans for today.

Triple Feature -

1408: 5:25
Knocked Up: 7:05
Pirates 3: 10:05
[I may go the Evan Almighty route if I don't feel like sitting through 3 hours of ARRRRGGH]

Well I must be going as I have a movie to catch at 5:25.

If I don't make it for some reason or another, stay tuned you'll find out here.

Goodnight Ladies, and Gentlemen.

2007-06-12T01:41:00.000-04:00

Corey needs a new camera. [Taken with MBP - Photo Booth]

Just six more fucking pages…

2007-06-07T01:41:00.000-04:00

So it goes, this isn't completely last minute however.
I have to write a research paper on the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. I chose the route of alcoholism, because I think that is best way to explain the duality that is Jekyll and Hyde.

Herein lies the problem, at least in my mind.
I don't know where to go.
I am scanning through the book for quotes that stick out in terms of alcoholism and whatnot - so quotes out of the book are no problem.
The problem however, is that I am not sure if I just want to debate my thesis that he is an alcoholic, solo and whatnot, or perhaps explore the culture and society RLS lived in and how that affected the book.

Hell now that I think about I may do all of those things.
I have some articles by Lombroso and another guy that define alcoholism as a disease and how it is plaguing both rich and poor. The article "Slave to the Narcotic" really pinpoints what Jekyll is experiencing and it was written a few years before J&H.

RLS was also an alcoholic, this definately gives him perspective as well as right to create this story…

Call me, I need stimulation on this i really do. It's due friday at 5 pm.
I plan on staying up late tonight getting quotes and thinking solidly about it, getting it done tomorrow - editing it tomorrow night; printing it in the morning running it up to my english teacher's office, talking to her about it, and ending this fucking freshman year of college.

again, your input is greatly appreciated.

"Our parents are dead too. They were in the middle east negotiating peace when- "

2007-06-03T03:33:00.000-04:00

okay, I couldn't find the image I wanted.
Imagine Van Pelt [on right] getting sucked into the 'manji board at the end of the movie.
After doing that, look at the image on the left.
See what I see?

as for the quote-in title, i didn't remember that at all. when I think about it now I laugh, because it's really ridick.

Links of Note:

http://www.libsci.sc.edu/miller/Jumanji.htm

[Judy Shepard - "Ju-ju-manji"]

Gumdrops can get really big next to a two liter of sprite.

2007-06-03T02:24:00.000-04:00

Went to a graduation party yesterday.
It was prrrrty good.
Flying green airplane turbine decals are good to catch with your hands.

I want to have Maynard scream in my face as loud as he can while he sings Pushit.
I figure if for some reason i don't get too close, or balls deep or whatever...
it'll still be cool. I will just be glad to see Tool.

Getting as close as you can is some sort of sophomoric desire.
I mean it's not like they're made of slurpee from Seven Eleven.
maybe they are...
SLURPEE sounds really good.
Always does.
Ask my uncle.
he knows.
he lives
next to
a 7-11.

Okay.

Conclusion:

Third Eye must be played this 'roo.
thatisall.

My friend here suffers from a bad case of the FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS DREAMS

2007-06-01T07:06:00.000-04:00

Well, not sleeping proved to be a very rewarding thing today.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Sun coming up.
I helped my friend Ben move out today. He is sound asleep on some of my own bedding.

Tomorrow my friend Shinya leaves for Japan. He is the one I retired STINKFIST to. If you cannot recall, STINKFIST was my first iPod. It was a fourth generation, 40 gigs, etc...
I wish I spent more time with Shinya, but if I did there wouldn't be enough to go around.
I am no Shinya-Hogger. Not at all.

More on this later perhaps...

"All my friends indoors..."

2007-05-26T22:08:00.000-04:00

As of now,
I am sitting,
In the closest
thing to nature
next to the woods
as I possibly can.

While I sit
in the grass
with my computer
acting as a space
heater, I don't
see buildings around
me, I see Paris.
I see fireworks,
zepplins, the beauty
that mankind
has brought upon
itself.

Sure, I could unstanza what I just said.
But I don't think I will.

"Mustache Day!" was a complete and total failure.
I mean, what did I expect eh?
As immature as college kids are, getting a mustache drawn
on their face is just too immature for them.
They're above it. Normally I would be fine with the lack of participation,
but when somebody says they are going to do it, they should fuckin' do it.
If you aren't going to do it, check the box labeled "Not Attending" instead of "Attending".
Some people were cool enough to represent their true decisions by saying "Maybe" or changing their decisions, I admire that. I understand that getting a mustache drawn on your face isn't the coolest thing ever, and you may have shit to do later that day which it would conflict with.

Eh fuck it.

Next week however, I am going to put on my performance art project.
The mustache motif will surface again with this one. I call it "Project 'stache'' with all intentions of drawing more mustaches on more faces. Simply put, all the effort on the 'stachee's side is taken away. This includes remembering to put on your 'stache, having a marker to do so, doing so, etc. The event will take place at the latest Wednesday [check my facebook for more details, or email me/call me/IM me/snailmail me]. I need manpower for this one however. I need people to take pictures, film, hang flyers, or even draw some 'staches. I could possibly get this one off the ground by myself, but I would really love some people to keep it that way.

Thanks for your time,

[btw thanks Dschraff]

-Corey

[Guide Down Denied - Grandaddy]

The World's Largest Bathroom Stall

2007-05-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

I'm asleep on the bus, the route has cycled many times by now.
I'm dreaming of something strange, a land of construction paper and clay.
Armies of iron clad princes from affluent nations march forth.
In my dream, I'm on a shore - away from the clamor writing all of this
in my notebook. I turn to my canoe and drop my notebook. I pick up
my sword, and start paddling towards the calamity. You just don't know
how hard I am gritting my teeth.

A familiar face wakes me up.
One that I haven't seen for ages.

She tells me that it's been a long time
and that she's glad to see me.
I'm glad to see her too.

"Moonlight on your skin"

2007-05-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

I always get sad when I think about the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.
The Temple of Artemis took 120 years to build, then some mothafucka burned it down for "fame" [Wikipedia]

I think the Colossus of Rhodes is my favorite - just the thought of coming home to that on a boat, it was 70 cubits tall, which is about the height of the statue of liberty. I wonder if it had a similiar meaning to what the statue of liberty meant to immigrants...

I'm doing an art paper right now, it's not very good - last minute efforts of course.
It covers various interpretations of ideas based on patron, beliefs, and state of mind.
I am covering the horned-jew, Napoleon, Starry Night, a Zeus-like statue of George Washington, et. al.

[Beck - The Golden Age]

'Leather Apron'

2007-05-11T13:36:00.000-04:00

did you know that R.L. Stine was one of the head writers for Eureka's Castle?

i didn't.

Moustache Day in 11 days.
Get your sharpies ready.

I never watched "From Hell"
with JD and some other motha fuckas...

I've got a top hat, yes I do.
I've got a top hat, how bout you?

beelzebozo

2007-05-11T12:39:00.000-04:00

the two 'lovers' sitting next to me are talking with light voices, and every once and a while - this thing I call tranquility is punctured by a "smoooootch" sound.

I could kick them out and yell

"THIS IS A STUDY ROOM!!"

Is it that hard to go to a fucking dormitory or something?

-this is me, expressing my frustrations in pseudo privacy, so I don't have to say anything.

Knocks on my window/Bluebird without wings.

2007-05-08T22:52:00.000-04:00

i sit here,
upset stomach,
Micheal Stipe,
wandering
the halls.

I want
to hand
him an
instrument.

I want
him to play
me a song.

I promise
i'll invite
my friends...

A Return to My Childhood/Long Live The Dead

2007-05-03T23:10:00.000-04:00

when i sleep
i sweat christmas

i said PRICE CHECK LADAAAAA
wheel ya ass ova herrr
sorry, i'll be nice to ya
please come over here, and tell
me the correct price for this item.

it looks like a pair of lungs
the floor is practically sweating
from the vivid reflection it is
creating. i say they came from
an old man, a smoker, a shouter
someone important, someone
loud, somebody that cared about
the future, and also didn't.
he said great things, at least i
think it's a he, it could be she, there
really is no way of telling.

i'm in a really fast car now
these deserve proper burial.
i pretend i'm illiterate
the roadsigns mean nothing to me
i just keep going and going
until i reach the desert

something so dead
requires life.

no viking funerals
no tall pyres
no wax statuette
just pure sand and
shovel fun.

i think it rained a million
bottles last night, my knees
are bleeding, i'm practically
losing my lungs too from
screaming; i hope i make it out
of here.

pushing out the darkness [and pulling in the dankness]

2007-04-30T19:53:00.000-04:00

I started at halo 1 and am making my way up the spiral.

If you see me, I want you to tell me to call Bose.

I thinnnnnnnnnnnk imma edit some footage and UL some of it to da tube.

Check out my channel if you're interested in my vids. They're pretty cool - one of them made some guy laugh so hard he ripped his stitches.

This is when I leave now.

I think I am going to bring my blog out of the dark;
shine a flashlight on it or something, because I don't really feel it is appropriate in relation to how I have been feeling for this past month or so.

Check ya later... [who says that kind of shit?]

"He lost it on the fourth of July..."

2007-04-30T10:31:00.000-04:00

Don't fear your second shadow,
a winter-wonderland is on it's way.

I double-dog dare you to come down to the river
and try and drown me; you'll find my head made
of mercury, and silver, and tar.
you mankiller, you.

¡it's nuevo!

it is fucking earth day...

2007-04-22T18:30:00.000-04:00

and I see lots of people throwing their cigarette butts on the ground, mainly just one, silly, girl.

I could have probably chalk out a dashed line, 4-5 feet in length between the aforementioned girl and what is known as a "Smoker's Oasis" - a 3-4 feet tall, phallic, butt dispenser - located near most doors at my place of residence. She probably would have shrugged with apathy.

I did my part, I rode the bus, instead of driving my auto.
If you do not understand how this is doing my part, ask me for a ride - I am more than sure you'll reek of gasoline when you depart.

Happy Earth Day!
i'll plant a try on arbor day, if i can remember.

Three Hundred and Thirteen

2007-04-16T19:38:00.000-04:00

One bottle of Yoohoo later...

Boredom really is a disease.
I'm not bored right now however.
It drives us to try new things, however "delinquent" it may be.
That is what makes the world go 'round.

This is 312.

2007-04-15T19:43:00.000-04:00

In less than sixty days, I will embark on one of the greatest journeys this young man has ever experienced. And when I say "greatest" I am using 'great' in the sense of sentimental value rather than a measure of distance or time.

Yeah. conclusions, conclusions.
I am not able to enjoy the latest from Modest Mouse, and Bright Eyes. For the former, I think I can say that I never will - the latter will get many chances.

I guess things are just fading in my life.
I am not interested in the lastest from the majority of my favorite bands,
I see less and less of some of my friends, and when I do see some of them, it just isn't as good.
As a student, I am failing to push through my lethargy...
I am worried about how this quarter is going to end up - and this may affect the above said journey.

I stand somewhere behind a curtain, just itching to poke my finger through the curtain, and rip it aside, it's just too dark and weird back here.

Hollywood is only pumping out sequels, or adaptations from graphic novels.

Fuck Hollywood.

If it doesn't work in other countries, it can't possibly work here.

2007-04-13T02:38:00.000-04:00

It's times like these, laying in bed listening to some old ground-breaking classic rock, that i finally sit and think about my life.

I think about moving alot, not out of state or anything, but next fall i am leaving stratford for a place less expensive, and less inhibiting - anyways, when I think of moving - I think of stuff. My stuff. movies, books, music, clothes - it's alot to move around. Then I thought, why do I have all this stuff? It's not like I am bettering myself by owning all of it. I could easily download the music, rent the books and movies from a library, and clothes-- well i don't need as many.

I guess I feel that my possesions are weighing me down a bit, they just sit in drawers all day, or in boxes. I am willing to lend anything out, except clothes - i might give away one of my large shirts however.

-

This sick business is kicking my ass.
i'm hot, i'm cold, i'm hot, i'm cold.
thick blanket, no blanket, pants, thin blanket.

when my condition seems to be improving, another ailment arises.

I can't sleep during the nights, but I sleep on and off during the day, sweating, coughing, sneezing, and feeling the worst of stomach aches.

-

I can't really remember when I stopped pointing the camera at myself.
I guess I just decided that it was trite, at least in my position, and that photos of one's self, shouldn't be common, like a painter's self portrait - I also think that pictures of one's self are best taken by others, there is more reality and less of a staged nature. I hate posed photos. Fake smiles are the worst, or maybe I am just terrible at making them.

-

One of my friends got diagnosed with depression.
I began to wonder -

I look at a brochure for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - the symptoms are as common as somebody having a kidney, or teeth.

I believe that in some right, we are all depressed, whether you see it all the time or not; whether it's some sort of down day, week, month, year, or decade.

-

Then I begin to wonder, if my past makes the grade for my future - meaning how I was treated when I was young will bring goodness to all, or turn me into some sort of goddamned basturd.

-

There is this monster, eating me from the inside out - I think this one is going to be a stalemate.

-

I am probably going to spend a bunch of time at the library this weekend, making up the work I missed all week.

In doing so, I am going to check out a digicam.

-

I think this bird has done all of his flying for the night.

wish me luck getting that extension.

No Regrets.

2007-04-12T01:22:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of shouting, arguing, and getting pissed off.
Aren't we all?

I don't necessarily thrive on stress, and after voicing my opinion I get lashed real hard.

I could continue, but that would put REAL meaning to my blog's title.

I finished Post Office today.
I enjoyed it.
I hope my life doesn't replicate Henry's, except for the fact that he wrote a novel based on his experiences and became a famous writer.

Bukowski is famous in a good way, sort of like an indie-band.
I could elaborate, but I don't feel like it.

-Corey J. Bennett

Part of Me/ ET Phone Home

2007-04-09T21:31:00.001-04:00

part of me
wants to be contacted,
no all of me
wants to be contacted.
I want to get that touch
on, you know that ET touch.
Phoning home doesn't mean what it used to.

Speaking of which...

2007-04-07T22:47:00.000-04:00

Drinkers, Pot-Smokers, Fascists - what do these three have in common?
they all have a potentially negative image associated by the non-, mainly the last two.

Frat Boys, the later Hippies, and Nazi's - what do these three have in common? they helped create, if not by themselves the negative image associated with the aforementioned "Drinkers, Pot-Smokers, and Fascists"

Even in the above paragraph, I am almost no better than the rest of this dominately prejudice society, not all of the frat boys take the sophos away from the moros and eat it; not all of the later Hippies get baked all day long, and make tie-die t-shirts; well I don't think I can say the same for Nazi's.

Whether or not you agree with drinking alcohol, smoking pot, or the belief in a fascist ideology, you- no, no - we as people, should not assume, or associate negative images with these things or anything without knowing full well, each and every subject related to the potential assumption.

I really think that movies do it for society with the whole assumption thing. Most hippies portrayed, or pot-smokers, are hungry teenagers just chasing a buzz, hoping to catch some grub.

eh, i'm just getting lazy now.

in reflection to words written above, I think i lost it somewhere, but you certainly get my point.

AS FOR THE WANTED SECTION:

I am looking for a ride to columbus, mid may - to go see a band called Bright Eyes.
I am actually bringing somebody, so I would count as two.

I need somebody to come see Grindhouse with me.

I have to go.
bye.

Fuck Hot Hot Heat too?

2007-03-27T08:20:00.000-04:00

I don't know if waking up after 4 hours of sleep is good.
I mean I feel fine, but my normal, sleepy self might come out like a bitch-ass punk, I mean a punk-ass bitch later on in the day, and I might fall asssssssleep in one of my shiny new classes.

I am thinking of taking a shower and walking up to campus, books and laptop and schtuff. I see the sun, and it looks really good. I wonder if it has issues with self-image. I know a few people like that, the thing is that they are really good lookin', but they're all like oh I need to do this and that so I make myself BETTER.

So yeah, I know I write for other people, sure. But I know nobody reads this shit, so I am partially writing for myself?

Lyric of the moment: "Uh-Oh-OHHHHHHH Peaches and Cream, You make the garbage man scream" [Beck- "Peaches and cream"]

I guess I just want attention.
I do it in a really nice and flat out manner, but some people just weird me out.
I mean they talk like fucking Phantom Limb, or some other sort of super villian.
And that's cool sure, and they can probably dig up some "dirt" on me if they wanted to,
but they should pride that shit, the whole super villany speechness.

Phrase of the moment: Milky Tart.

Word of the moment: anagram

Song of the Moment: "Keep wakin' up P-dub" - Mango Sour Express

Superhero of the Moment - Captain America. I would love to let him pilot my ship.
Well I don't think i am gay for CA. I mean he is cool and all with his super duper patriotism and all, but patriotism doesn't get my seat wet. Can that even happen, since I am a boy and all?
Maybe. We'll see.

Never talking about moles again.

2007-03-26T23:22:00.000-04:00

I was thinking today after watching Freaks and Geeks and the question came up between me and and one of my friends, Damian.

What makes a poser? I mean specifically with punk rock kids.
I mean they got the hair, the clothes, and the lifestyle. Any of these things can be willingly obtained. I can bleach my hair, or color it and spike it. Grab a leather jacket, beat the fuck out of it, attach some safety pins to it, rip up a pair of jeans, and listen to some punk rock. I mean you aren't born with any of this stuff. You obviously started somewhere.

I guess you start somewhere, probably as a poser; somebody picking up the lifestyle, starting new - an infantile, a sponge - gathering all the information and wisdom you possibly can from other punks before you. Then after a few brawls at a concert, some intense piercings, some wild and crazy nights beating up some Neo Nazi swine, you become a true punk.

I guess time tames the poser. [thoughts?]
-

Back to delinating song lyrics - I was thinking about "Trucker's Atlas" a few weeks back.
I mean what makes a trucker's atlas anyways.
Maps - obviously, directions to places, shortcuts.
Places to Stop - Eat, Drink, Things to Do.
Events - What went on, who did you meet...

So when he says "I sold my atlas by the freight stairs" I think he is literally ridding his mind of memories of a relationship, so he can move on.

As for "Doin' the Cockroach" - what the hell do cockroaches do?
they survive, they live on.
I figure that is what he means at least.
-

As for figuring, I figure - if you don't know what the hell I am talking about, or what anyone is talking about for that matter, just look it up on wikipedia.
that's what everybody does.
it's not like trying out drugs or anything.
geez.
cheggit out.

"First Wave Down"

2007-03-25T22:57:00.000-04:00

I don't really pay attention to this blog very much. And I owe it alot, seeing that it helps me express how I feel, to a certain extent. And RSS feed blogs are much cooler than non RSS feed blogs anyways.
-
ok.

This is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About.

The Moon & Antarctica

Building Something Out of Nothing

Lonesome Crowded West

We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank

Good News for People Who Love Bad News
-

two halves of a symmetrical tattoo
one on my body
and one on somebody elses.
we have to be friends though
we can't be lovers
because with love there is no guarantee that
we'll always be friends or see each other even.
well i guess with friendship it could be that way too.
i just hope for the best...
-

I guess I could kick myself night and day for what I did.
but regardless of when I would have said it, or how I would have said it
or where I was or what I was doing-- I still would have said it and that is what matters.

I mean friends are really hard to come by, and so are people that you like in a romantic way...
but I think that you should be able to tell these people how you feel and I shouldn't be so fragile.
-

Classes start tomorrow.
I didn't do a whole lot this break.
I did go to Cleveland with my friend David Schraffenberger.
It was cold, due to the wind coming off of the lake.
-

I wonder when the people that live next to me are going to grow up.
will they when they graduate college?
there are always people peeing in my direction off the porch.
I can't really see their junk, but it was daylight one time
and I could if I wanted to.
The tree below the deck is wilting, if trees can wilt...
-

I had greek with my friends Madison and Megan today.
I didn't really get anything, but they let me sample some various types of soup
and some jalapeño jelly and some tzisszzkah dip.
I really liked the jalapeño jelly, but the color threw me off it was all green like candy.
It was kind of sweet, and spread over cream cheese with crackers and sesame rods.
-

Ever since I was young I would put things in my mouth and pretend to smoke.
I don't know why.
None of my parents smoke, my brother doesn't smoke.
My uncle doesn't smoke.
I just don't know why.
I would get candy cigarettes.
I still do it.
If I were to save every piece of paper touched by me,
80 per cent would have a corner or two ripped off.
I would roll it up and have a really tiny cigarette between my lips.
I would talk, and even inhale and remove it.
I haven't done it in a while, but I have a feeling I will soon seeing that I will
be using alot of paper in classes.
-

People like something usually because they can relate to it in some way.
I mean people like things for no apparent reason, but they usually are closer to the things that
they can see themselves in.

Some of my favorite music wasn't really my favorite until certain times in my life.
For example, I used to only listen to the first half of The Moon & Antarctica and then I would move on, thinking that the last half of the album was long and boring. Well sometime later in october maybe... yeah I listened to that album alot, and I really fell in love with the last half of the album.

The last few tracks aren't upbeat, they are longer - yes [which is something I love in a good band] - and it is sort of a downward spiral. The song "Life like Weeds" is sort of like a suicide note. It's like a harsh goodbye to nobody. Listen to it, you may see what I mean.
But the last song ["What People Are Made Of"] is a crude realization, more of a conclusion - "And the one thing you taught me 'bout humans is this: they ain't made of nothin' but water and shit" The song totally picks you up as soon as it starts, and drops you off on the island it describes.
-

If you'd like to hear my 20 minute rant, on how things go for somebody who was too curious for his own good. find me some hosting space. On other business, I would like to tell you goodnight, because that is what i am going to try and have.

Goodnight.
-
[The Secret Machines - "First Wave Intact"]

I am just speechless. I don't know what to say.

2007-03-05T20:00:00.000-05:00

I barely knew him, I just saw him in the halls. We never said anything to each other, but I know he was a great person.

For those of you who knew David Dulle, I am sorry and you have my deepest condolences. If you need somebody to talk to, I am here for you.

Gentle

2007-02-24T23:52:00.000-05:00

i am trying to write down this soundtrack
being scratched out of a black disc;
roaring through my brain,
i'm sorry i can't here what you are sayin',
speak up - a little louder
my heart, chowder
my body, beautiful
pure, strong,agile,
laughter - diuretic
I snatch that walkie talkie
"MEDIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the helicopters
are orchestrated
just like your reactions
i script actions
for my robot
which i let out on
days i don't want
to go outside.
so next time you see me
it might not be me
so next time it not be me
be glad i might be there.

i need to get a new pack from somewhere.

2007-02-24T01:35:00.000-05:00

toDAY was alright.
i got what i ordered from NE.
met up with Beelzebob.
We saw a movie, had some good food.

toNIGHT was pretty bad.
allow me to share:
I was dropped off at my friend's house.
the usual was going on, I joined in.
sometimes i get in these really loopy moods
and people think that i am on something.
I tell them I am not, but they keep
asking - just shut the fuck up already.
Then i begin conversing, asking questions.
they don't ask any back, they don't really say much
at all, they just don't give a fuck.
they don't ask if i want to come,
they don't openly invite me,
i had to ask...
i feel so excluded sometimes.
"alone at a table of friends"
god, i would have never thought the day i would starting quoting bright eyes -yuk-

i just want to watch a movie with somebody,
fuck, anybody. my favorite music is starting to get on my nerves,
peanut butter just doesn't taste the same anymore.

good night.
hopefully i "wake feeling new" -ick-

I

301 - A Piece of Me Came Back From Omaha.

2007-02-23T14:12:00.000-05:00

^^^This is the latest from Saddle Creek.

the long story I don't want to tell.

2007-02-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

Keep in mind that everything that comes out of my hands right now has already been written, and I am only doing this to fill the void I have dug.
**Note the quotation marks**

"It has been a really long time, since my first entry.

I remember typing at least two in the same day for a while. I was in love with a girl on my bus, she smelled really good.

The love faded, along with my interest in the Goshen High School Marching Band. I unofficially withdrew myself from the pit crew the following year, and after much hard work, hard play and enough unrequited love, I began my transient career as a poet. I created a blog to hold my poems, and soon moved to a composition notebook, I lost the notebook and gave up writing poetry - marking my first phase of transience.

Soon after, I became fascinated with lucid dreams after reading a wikibook on the subject [http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Lucid_dreaming] and I began writing stories including such. I remember drawing a small boy with a red scarf that was at least 30 ft. in length, and no matter how windy it was - it always fluttered through the air; never touching the ground. He certainly had really bad nightmares. On a side note: watch Waking Life, it’s a really good film involving lucid dreams - Linklater style!

I met a lovely young girl named Kayla in junes of 2005s afters schools ends ands i’s gets mys licenses. I didn’t write much of anything in my blog until october of the next year, when we broke up. I wrote a really nice story making my strive to date people into a unicorn. I still use this metaphor from time to time, including it in a few stories - and a few blog titles. The break-up marks my second burst of motivation to write. I have written a lot since then, most of it morbid poetry, and short stories. "

" Pretty in Pink is not my favorite John Hughes movie, but certainly not a bad one.
I have never had the rich/poor clique clash problem in my school or my personal life, so I can’t relate. I can partially relate to Duckie [Cryer], not in the “i love you, i carry your books” sort of way, but in the potentially unrequited, “i don’t know how to tell her” sort of thing.

The funny part about this movie, is that they play the same song [Possibly “If You Leave” by Orchestra Manoeuvres in the Dark] at least 3-4 times. One time when the movie starts, another when Blaine [McCarthy] is looking for Andie [Ringwald] out where all the “cool kids” hang out, and another when the credits roll. There might be another time or two more I am not remembering.

Another thing I like is the cover for the DVD. A dark, serious photo with Cryer, Ringwald, and McCarthy standing next to each other, Ringwald’s sweater is the only color showing in the picture - pink.

I need to watch it again, as I need to watch all John Hughes movies over and over again.
Hughes [written by] films I have seen:
1 Vacation
2 Sixteen Candles [Partially]
3 The Breakfast Club
4 Weird Science
5 Pretty in Pink
6 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
7 Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
8 The Great Outdoors
9 Uncle Buck
10 Christmas Vacation
11 Home Alone
12 Dutch
13 Beethoven
14 Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
15 101 Dalmatians (Live Action)
16 Flubber

On second thought, I don’t need to watch a couple of those again.
I wonder what Hughes’ family is like, kids and all."

" I have commenced reading 300 - a graphic novel by Frank Miller. I am thoroughly enjoying it. I remember in sixth grade learning about Sparta, and Persia, and the other states. However, I cannot recall being taught about the 300 Spartan warriors going against over at least 100,000 Persian soldiers and almost winning! "

"Fuck, what time is it? Shit, Shit, SHIT! GODDAMNIT! I don’t even bother changing my clothes, after sleeping and sweating in them all night. I am getting the back of my shoe on my foot as I hop out the door. I am going to get castrated for this. This is the forth time in four days I am going to be late.

Okay let sleep, in hours, equal x. If x is greater than or equal to 7, this wouldn’t be happening.

I don’t bother plugging in my cd player to my radio, I don’t bother warming up my car, I don’t bother seeing how much gas I have and if it will get me 20 miles and back or not. I just go. I drive. I california every single stop sign, I barely make time to look both ways. I am sloth, I am haste, I am letting myself be a bad driver. All I can think about is the look on her face, how pissed off she’ll be when I present myself, smelling like a bad day, hair-a-mess, an hour and a half late. She is going to murder me; slaughter me like a horse. Use up my body for food and glue and gelatin and all sorts of things I cannot even fathom.

As I pass everything that makes this town, I think red-hair, I think about Seinfeld— I almost forgot about Kirby. FUCK! I grab my phone and bite it open, my stare at what should be the road becomes ambivalent, torn between the words “Missed Call” and the cars coming at me. I quickly dial Kirby’s number, he picks up.

“Where the hell are you?”

“Driving. Where are you?”

“Home.”

“So do you want me to come pick you up?”

“Sure.”

I pull a u-ey and almost hill hop getting to his house, crusing at a swift 50 instead of the 35 and 40 I am supposed to abide to. He gets in and starts fumbling with the audio element of my car. He turns on some Billy Joel. I swear he is obsessed with the once slightly-curly haired Piano Man.

He yells “San-Dawg!! YEAAAAAAAH!” he looks over to me and I turn my head towards him and chuckle. He really knows how to squeeze the joy outta life. It’s like when you were younger, being amused by power windows — times infinity. I tap my fingers to the beat.

I’m going a bit faster than I usually do, to prevent us from being even more late. Here comes the curve. The curve that every time, no matter how much I put on the brakes, the tires squeal — instantly exciting any male within a 300 ft radius of my car. Josh repeats what he yells most frequently, at least around me - “San-Dawg!! YEAAAAAHHHH!!!”

And we are there. There being the nearest community college. A mere 30 minutes away, which is hell to drive when your car is the single greatest cause of global pollution - an approximate 10 miles per gallon of precious gasoline. Sometimes when I look at the rear-view mirror, I can see Captain Planet running, stopping, bending over and placing his hands on his knees and coughing up blood.

Upon walking in the back entrance, we are greeted with a familiar scent, a one we have learned to dread. Over the past two years, We have grown to loathe, no — despise lunch meat sandwiches. I would rather not eat, than eat lunch meat sandwiches. These are the kind that look all nice and neat with the setup on the trays. And it is always the same: Roast Beef, Turkey, and Ham. American, Swiss, and Provolone. What more could a person ask for? I grab six slices of bread and load up with everything I can see. Ham, Turkey, Roast Beef, American, Swiss, Provolone, Lettuce, Tomato, Mayonnaise, Mustard, and wavy chips, for that extra crunch. I take a bite and am almost full already. I sit down at what me and Kirby have labeled The “G-Spot”. No idea why.

I reach into my pocket and find a couple of nickels, perhaps change from last night’s adventure which left the variable x less than 7 - therefore causing me and Kirby to be excruciatingly late. I walk into the bookstore and pick me up some Swedish Fish - what a delightful treat. A nickel a piece. Where could one go wrong? I pick up handful; alms for the poor. Fifty cents down the drain. I walk out with Kirby to where the teachers and the rest eat. I start handing out Swedish Fish to people I don’t know.

See, we are all in the same boat. Me and these people I don’t know. We’re in this program called Upward Bound. Basically the Government gives this program money, and they select the poor, the minority, and the first-generation college student and take them on college trips, tell them about financial aid, and teach them a little german over the summer.

I can’t remember how I met her, but I remember that it involved individually packaged candy fish."

"We are sitting across from each other with a pizza in between us. I don’t think we say anything, hardly. The pizza didn’t cost much, they were having a special. It was a june summer’s day. I needed a ride home after this. God she lived far. Or at least it seemed far when we first met. There must have been two or three slices of pizza left. We held hands as we walked back to her car. She ran inside and grabbed her keys, came back out and we left. I didn’t complain about what was on the radio then. "

" I am boarding the train. I am boarding the train. Ok, on the train now. I am sitting next to an old man. He is holding a newspaper in his wrinkled hands. I lean in to him and snatch it out of his hands. His mouth is gaping at me, with bright eyes. Wait, what am I doing? Why the fuck did I steal this man's paper? I give it back to him and walk to the next car. I sit down in front of nobody, no temptation. I take out my notebook and start scribbling out a caricature of myself. I have huge claws, big sharp teeth, and angry eyes. I am a monster. "

"I leaned over and whispered into her ear:
"do-do-do-do-do-do-do the worst is over."

"feeling good exists - sometimes."

2007-01-28T15:08:00.000-05:00

feeling good is waking up before your alarm clock goes off
feeling good is showing the man who's boss.
feeling good is finding somebody to dance with, not matter how bad you really are.
feeling good is holding a solid conversation for more than 5 minutes.
feeling good is compliments for anything, and everything.
feeling good is picking up an album, only to instantly fall in love with it.
feeling good is completing what you finished.
feeling good is getting your work done and playing outside in the mud.
feeling good is rolling over and realizing how beautiful she is.
feeling good is the aforementioned causing you to be restless and full of pleasant thoughts.
feeling good is getting up before her and watching her breathe.
feeling good is making her breakfast.
feeling good is taking her out to a movie.
feeling good isn't happening.
feeling good isn't there.
feeling good doesn't exist.

feeling good is guessing the next song on random.
feeling good is being picked up by some friends and meeting more.
feeling good is simpatico.
feeling good is random hugs by strangers, no matter how drunk they are.
feeling good is off brand cereal tasting as good as the original.
feeling good is a movie that just does what it should.
feeling good is earl grey.
feeling good is happening.
feeling good is here.
feeling good exists - sometimes.

http://download.yousendit.com/E864312961B3B1AD

Me Fucking Ow

2007-01-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

It was beautiful yesterday. It was pure and good and smooth. I sort of fell in love with the area. I didn't proclaim my love for it, because it bled through my every action.

Time passes.

The greatest power, the hot ball of light caused my beauty to leave. Mediocrity came through in blotches, and eventually engulfed the whole of it. I can see through you now, and now it's back to normal; dull.

-

Tomorrow is the day I send my ration to Nebraska.
Then I wait, all I can do is wait.
I will be loyal, and eager.

-

Somewhere now, at this very moment somebody is getting their picture taken.
I hope it's a good photo.
Bad photos suck.

2 more to go.
just 2.
then I pour my heart out.
are you keeping track?
i hope you are.
--------

EDIT: in celebration of the coming 3, i have published my unfinished drafts from all over this blog's history. I was unable to get dates, but if you would like to read them here are the titles of the posts (either use the sidebar or search your heart out) :

[in no particular order]

Hey Kids! Its The Outbound Linkage Game!
[Fuck!]
Bleach is eating me.
When is it going to be my turn to be Borkified?
Its been a wild ride...
I laugh at you and your deprivedness...
Hold the phone, please????
Lack of Goodness is bettered by friends.

Hoopty Mobile

2007-01-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

As I near the big 3 I can say a couple of things to honor the approaching moment.

It's hard to say what I want to say because I don't know what to say.

It snowed alot this morning.

Matt brought a girl home from work, the same day he got a promotion.
Me and Ben are pretty good friends.
Enid's a bitch to everyone but her son.
She made Ben cry today.
Henry Rollins punched me the day we moved in, but otherwise
he is good to have around.

We might get a TV soon as soon as we figure out Matt's rooming arrangements.
There is a patio that came with the house, I figure we could put walls around it and put his bed in there, but it is his call..

Me and Henry are both working as EMTs.
It's pretty sweet.
Enid hates the flamingos I put in the yard.
She kicked one, what an evil old woman.

Why doesn't she just fucking tell me.
I get it, boy do I get it, but she just totally
is all passive about it - selfish fuck.

Promotions for all, and to all a good night.

UPDATE:

Matt and Enid are in love with each other.
They both aspire to love more than one person though, which is different.
Matt wants to buy a double bed, which in turn helps out his other want..
I wonder if Henry is going to get a girlfriend.

"Cloudy, overnight flurries; high 39, low 29"

2007-01-21T01:27:00.000-05:00

I think about it alot,
I think about everything alot.
I worry too much.
I am still working out my own birth in my head
that's how behind i am, just to let you know where I am in life.
I am still kicking out of the womb with frog face and tennis shoes.
I should be at least in my pre-teen years by now, i mean FUCK!

I am not sure if I like this cover by CAKE or not.
Sabbath does it so nicely.

I saw her walking home today,
The words "HOLY SHIT BEN!" started to whisper out of my mouth,
then I started to roll down the window and shout it out the window.
I lost all my breath, and started to feel really shakey.
-

some days later, she disappears from my everything.
its just stupid high school bullshit
so fucking immature.
and the rambler keeps on ramblin'

[The News Record - January 22, 2007, University of Cincinnati]

Why do you want to be my friend?

2007-01-20T17:52:00.000-05:00

freeze for fashion

partial interests:
van gogh
tesla

current interests:
silver surfer
meeting people

pepper on the cottage cheese
ice cream with a fork
"MORRRRRRREEEEE POWWWWWWEERRR"

i love being a dork.

i wonder how my niece is doing..
she's my HONORARY niece
she is really my cousin.
I'd rather be her uncle.
cause uncles fucking rock.

"Says she's got it all, Says she's got it all, Says she's got it..."

2007-01-19T22:35:00.000-05:00

Temptation mulls over me at this very moment.
I call it long term suicide.
I call it a deadly investment.
I call it something I don't want to do.
But every breath I take seems to me like its not oxygen,
not plain old air, but something else.
Something different, harmful, and makes
my clothes smell bad...
I think I will just stay on rolled up paper.
Saves money, saves a life.
A longer life that is.
FORE SURE!

I hope you enjoyed this mornings "slam"
which to one of you is "interesting..."

meow
bomb
fuck
kitty
dead.
fuji
faces.

the last two lines are for you, my drive/car/eat/sushi friend.

"If it's gonna be this kind of party, i'm gonna stick my..."

2007-01-19T03:09:00.000-05:00

Does she regret it?
Of course she does.
its, its, its, because
In her mind I am just a monster,
superstar flauntster,
bite the bullet,
clog the gullet,
disappear
then re-
behind me
behind you,
stabbing motions
oodles boodles
flying noodles
everywhere
all over the ceiling
running
flying
spinning
frying
crying
sighing
hating
baiting
'bating
licorice whips me good
like it should
always would
rock and roll
thumbs up
thumbs down
frown
off with ze head
eh?
pull the rabbit outs da hat
dog eat cat
always
and forever
but not really
beat with a billy
club sandwich
sally-grand bitch
helicopter tongues
bbdbdbdbdbdbdbd
IN YOUR FACE
ketchup
musturd
on the dog,
polly wog
heart's a frog
suck a dick
i feeeellllel siccccckkk.

pick up the head,
the body,
the mind.
sweep up the bloody water
back into the skull
parallel, dull - boring
satan
santa
planta
squishy peanut
pistash
green ice cream
not a nice scene
to me, behind a screen,
fuck spatulas
spork action - ALWAYS
failure,
failure
downward spiral
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
crash
smash
fash
ism
critcism
full of 'im
full of shit.
down the drain
the pipes
roll out like smoke
room temp
jeans
made
with
hemp.
expensive as fuck
tom without huck
must suck.
to be you
to be me
to be us
together
forever
whatever

fall out
of my
chair now,
intentionally
like it.
fall on the pillows
easy as,
you know it.
come full circle,
like death,
marriage,
karma.

kayamsmssmssmsmsmsmsmfhruruurrururururururururu
squirrely mike,
whatever happened
to ya face.

treehouse now,
solitude,
distraction, fuck yude.
gone now.
windy window.
at peace.
peaceful.
silence.
calm.
calm.
red sun
blue face.
breathe.
its okay.
you know it.

a tentative audiophile

"Always as easy as pillows"

2007-01-18T00:48:00.000-05:00

I'm coming down off the buzz,
of life, the universe, and everything.
I lean against my three pillows or so, one of which is sinking down between the wall and the bed.
I save it before it's too late.
I wish it were always as easy as pillows.

I settle down in a wet bench somewhere,
light up an imaginary cigarette,
take it in deep - then I let all go with the sloth
and elegance of tortoise.

I dirty the earth a little
with the flick of a wrist,
and let it all out,
screaming so loud my eyes
bleed with a familiar saline
solution.

Something hears me and decides
to help me out.
I take my hand and glide it
on his body as he pulls to a complete
and total halt. I jump on his back
and ride, and ride and ride.
Forever - or at least how ever long it takes.

Welcome home again, welcome.

"LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!! I WANT ATTENTION!!!! I WANT REACTION!!!!"

2007-01-17T17:06:00.000-05:00

Gay used to mean happy.
Then it changed to Homosexual.
Then "stupid".
Now it means all three!

I rarely meet people that I bother when I use "gay as a synonym for stupid"
I have yet to meet somebody who is offended, and rightfully so as a homosexual.
Sorry if I do, but it's just one of my habits I don't pride, but I don't shame it either.
If it does offend you, I'll try hard to refrain from saying it.

Personally I like 'homosexual' instead of 'gay'.
How many years?

I respect homosexuality, and I don't disapprove one bit.
It's like chastising somebody because they like peaches better than apples.

Yeah...

I'll prolly get some shit about my "bad habit"
whatever.

talk to me about it or something.
some people just don't like confronting others - even when the others have open minds about it.

6 days until money comes out of my pocket and to Nebraska.

Then a little more until it happens again.

I can't wait.

"I'm not sure who I am, but I know who I have been"

2007-01-16T12:09:00.000-05:00

somewhere out there we're all driving around in circles, looking for nowhere to be. and the stop lights start flashing, its midnight - it begins to rain, we all start to turn up the stereo to block out the loud noise of the rain drops hitting the windshield, but the rain picks up harder and harder and harder and harder and you just can't win. you just can't win. you just can't. ignorance isn't bliss, because you know it isn't. we all pull into a gas station, we all go to the back and look at the variety, the rainbow of beverages, we all pick out our favorite drinks in hopes that this "seasonal depression" will fade. we all pay the cash register in too much change, so we all feel bad for a second or two. We all walk outside and unscrew the cap of our favorite drink and we all drink it. we all enjoy a taste of something good for once. then we get back in the car and set it down and forget about it. then it gets warm, nobody likes their favorite beverage warm, nobody.

thoughts go through my mind, like "I am a Rock, and a rock feels no pain. I am an island, and an island never cries." I guess I have been an island for a few weeks now, and I am becoming more a rock everytime i look into the mirror.

I feel like I am a waste of skin. [ick, nasty thoughts of skin dripping off my bones...]
I mean, I sit around and do nothing - lack of effort makes me sad, and when I am sad I either write about it or sleep. Mostly sleep. I sleep in my clothes; wasting my days away in a cotton coccoon, waking up in liquid filth.

What if at that very moment of revalation, I stood up and walked into the back and fell on my sword? Again, it wouldn't be right. Self-destruction isn't a viable option. It is a whole bunch of nothing, more nothing to inspire depression over 'nothing.'

The personal quest, to find out who you are and all - how do you know where to start, what I am I looking for. How does one not know who they are? Should we even start looking? Are we overthinking the whole loss of oneself?

I guess all I am trying to say is that I am waiting for the shroud to clear [aren't we all]. Some are waiting for snowfall - they might get a little. Some are waiting for rain, I want a flood. Reset back to ZERO. Apocalypse sounds interesting, I mean the whole survival/adaptation process intrigues me. Loss of technology. It would be devastating for this anti-social, "social-networking" particapating youth bullshit.

So thumbs up on present status as a human being.
thumbs down on exercising my abilities as one.

Sometimes people look around and wonder where all their friends went.
They went nowhere, they never moved an inch - they just weren't your friends.
I have my fair share of buddies and acquaintences but I have a few good friends.
Some that I can count on to be there when I need them. And if they can't be there - it's for
good reason. Be your own best friend, someone you can count on for at least a little while.

People criticize me for talking to myself. I still do it sometimes. I don't know why I still do - but I do. I used to do it more, when I was by myself most of my childhood.

I feel better already.
have a good one, okies?
I will too.

[Modest Mouse - Make Everyone Happy/Mechanical Birds]

"Timid, and Fragile Hearted Youth"

2007-01-15T18:06:00.000-05:00

I had a great time out today.
Went to get some tea, went to shop for various food items.
But as I was leaving for tea, I passed a familiar face.
Nobody too familiar, but the breath evaporated from my lungs
and my legs started to feel wobbly. I double-taked at least twice.
But I said nothing to her. I didn't say "Hey, Emily!" or something similiar.
I just kept quiet. I ask myself why - and the answer is because I let her go.
I concluded that I want nothing to do with her anymore.
too nervous about her reaction. wondering if it is real, or plastic.
protection is a must in todays society of the timid, and fragile hearted youth.
Fuck protection, I am sick of people hiding what they really want to say - I do the same, but only to protect myself. Afraid of disappointment in all the ways I care about.

I went to Kroger, and I was supposed to go with my roommate.
The problem; what has just recently happened, is I told myself not to care.
In a way I let the boy down, and for that I am sorry - but he'll probably never
read this. And what am I supposed to do, go to disneyland and not ride the rides? See my point?

Although the end of Tea Time was bitter, just the very very end,
I can say that the cheese and the quest for Count Chocula was wonderful.
Although, the Count Chocula situation was not resolved, today was a good day in my book,
and I hope to have more like it.

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"

2007-01-14T23:26:00.000-05:00

I sit comfortably in a stiff chair, with my head in hands - like a bowl.
I grab a fork and begin to dig deep.
I begin ingesting various parts of my brain, a lobotomy if you will.
I put my head down, and start to drift away in my lack of thought.
I feel this powerful and sharp pain in my upper stomach.
My body doesn't want to take all of this in.
I am rejecting my own brain from digestion.
I need something to catch this.
I pick up my head and catch the downfall
of whatever was in my stomach.
I place my head back on, and suture it back to my body.
As I walk around, I can feel the liquid inside bob back and forth.
I lay down, and all of it flows towards the back of my head.
I wake up and all of this seems as if it didn't happen.
Perhaps my ingestion and subsequent rejection did nothing.
My cries of destruction lead me nowhere. I get no pleasure,
no positive outcome. I am no masochist. I am just a boy
with a choice.

My friend got hit by a car last night.
He's alright, but still.
It could have been much worse.

As for an output, since this doesn't count,
I am seeking. Seeking somewhere.
"Lame Ass Poetry Slams" sound alright to me.
As shitty as you may think it is, I like it.

goodnight everyone.

"I'm Coming"

2007-01-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

Grindhouse
300
~~Children of Men~~
Pan's Labyrinth
Rush Hour 3
Be Kind Rewind
Spiderman 3

Today I wrote my mind on a sheet of paper.

2007-01-10T02:03:00.000-05:00

Current Obssessions I should act upon:

Tesla
Van Gogh
Meeting People.

TVM
almost TMV
almost.

@School

2007-01-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

sometimes i talk to myself
sometimes i talk to my celph
it's raining out now. I don't want to read some of this book for class, but I must.

Music to check out:

Beck - Midnite Vultures
Ben Folds Five - The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner
[as always] Modest Mouse - Interstate 8

I can hold you hand through the aforementioned mess if you want, just give me a call and me and herb will come to your rescue.

weasels rip my flesh!

get ready fors das "Getto Spectacular"

2007-01-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

Getto Spectacular is a collection of poems written by your's truly.
I haven't written them up yet except for the last one, but I plan on typing out a track listing beforehand, howabout right now.

Skunk in da Trunk
Blather's Salvation
Honky Pox
Deep Fried Oranges
Peanut Butter Love
Wheat Thin
Crest Reduction
Illegal Name Tag
Never in your Wildest

peace out suckas.
p.s i will be taking photos for the album cover.
oh yeas.

Two Ideas, one I will share in person..

2007-01-06T12:06:00.000-05:00

I need to build a database of lyrics.
I love to look at the words that are coming to my ears
when I listen to music, and now is the time to start the collection.

Any ideas of where I can get the lyrics, or possibly an easier way of this?

peace.

Never in your wildest..

2007-01-04T20:02:00.000-05:00

snakes twirl
'round my tongue

slither down
my neck
to my back
to my legs.

their position is
ambiguous
to the toes?
or back to the waist?

'round and 'round
in large, thin ovals

my chest caves in
my breaths are forced
into brevity.

i am sweating
where i sweat
less

i am about to
when the lights in the room
start flashing violently

my soul creeps back
into the rusty pipe

somebody on the worlds
largest xylophone
is playing real heavy now,
like uhhhh, yeah..

one lone serpent
breaks away from
the oval, and makes
circle, faster,
faster, and finally
my soul begins to part
from me. almost.
almost, almost.

the oval becomes a
violent circle,
embedding into
my knees
bringing down the giant now.
bring it down!

the lights begin to flash
again, i am a patient
in a hospital bed,
useless; vegetable.

the lights start to
show some sort of pattern
then a ringing begins in my ears
and i am brought back
soul and all
to the red hot reality
of waking up and going
to class.

Subconscious Voodoo Doll.

2007-01-03T23:22:00.000-05:00

nothing to say really.
i feel chipper.
i hope this lasts.

i just really really like the title.

Babyface Biker Mix [A LONG LAUGH INDEED]

2006-12-31T12:59:00.000-05:00

Come to Daddy (Pappy Mix) - Aphex Twin
Pizza Day - Aquabats
The Way I Feel Inside - The Zombies
Surfwax America - Weezer
Don't Worry About the Government - Talking Heads
Subterrean Homesick Alien - Radiohead
Monkey Gone To Heaven - Pixies
Teeth Like God's Shoeshine - Modest Mouse
IOM/TSASB... IASS... DISAC? - The Flaming Lips
Napoleon Solo - ATDI
Rebellion (Lies) - The Arcade Fire

I'm the king, Bitch

2006-12-30T23:11:00.000-05:00

YOU KNOW IT!!

lets go clubbin
sometime in the valley.
the valley of water that is wet.

still not back...yet.

2006-12-29T13:52:00.000-05:00

and they say i don't give back.
bahahahahaaahahahah

Don't get excited, I'm not back...

2006-12-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to encourage you all to save the internet.
Protect internet neutrality.
If you don't know what that is, watch this video.

Stand up for something you use everyday!

"Existential Crisis"

2006-11-30T02:38:00.000-05:00

you will probably never see me again.
at least not here.
I figure this is the only way to go.

I am sitting in a lab and I cannot stop looking at this picture of Stanley Kubrick.

Whether we ever talk again, I love you all.
Perhaps I will see you in the next life.
I hope we can be panda bear friends or something stupid.

Goodbye.
It has been full of wonder.
Losing this can only be a step forward,
A step off of this crutch and onto
another, one that keeps me more stable.
I have more control now.

It is time now.

Farewell,
[I hope this doesn't turn out to be some big disappointment, since I believe that none of you even care.]

If I could take a photo right now, I would.
But you just need to look in Stan's eyes.
Do it.

[this isn't a fuck you. unless you think it is.]

bye..

BIG GIMPIN'

2006-11-29T17:54:00.000-05:00

I AM A MOTHERFUCKING JEDI.

2006-11-29T00:34:00.000-05:00

How bout you try some Caribbean Pepsi..

Victory Faces all around. Suck it.

JUST SHAKE MY FUCKING HAND!!!

C: What do you have germophobia or something?

B: No, I just have sweaty-penis phobia.

some people just don't understand that I sometimes run on autopilot.

"There's no love in fear."

2006-11-28T17:59:00.000-05:00

Should I stay or should I go?

I can't decide whether I should just stop this jest.
End it now, either take it to the material world,
or just go away forever.

There is nothing that I can do to fix myself.
I'm not broken, I am just having trouble getting back on track.
My schoolwork is fucked.
I speak with my english teacher tomorrow, I hope something good comes of it.

I had to leave the class today, when she sent somebody out for not having a draft. She didn't ask me for mine, but I followed him out. I have until the fifth to get it done. I waste so much time doing nothing.
I don't even better myself. I just sit here and do mindless activities.

I hope somebody reads what I wrote. It would mean so much to me if somebody actually responded to what I wrote in pen.

I hope to join an organization or get a job or something to get me out of this room, out of this life of waste.

bye.

[tool - pushit]

My epiphany is transient.

2006-11-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

Everyone wants a double feature
They wanna be their own damn teacher

[Modest Mouse - Stars Are Projectors]

After leaving the theater I was finally at peace with myself, and the rest of the world. I concluded that what I was feeling then was what I am supposed to feel - normal, fine, sane, calm, relaxed, mellow, happy, excited, awake, alive, serene. I looked around me and realized that everything was a part of me. My car, my friends, my enemies, my downfalls, my shortcomings, my family, my music, my weather, my moods, my feelings, my thoughts, my urges, my desires, my poetry, my stomach, me.

Everything happens, and that is the point. There is no set path, there is chaos, we do what we want and that is beautiful. I was okay that the world isn't perfect, in fact I didn't care that everyday I die a little, we all do. Everyday is a step to the end, whether it be big or small. I didn't care. I was At Ease. Perhaps what I was feeling was an extreme amount of optimism. I didn't feel optimistic, i felt that I was perfectly blending pessimism and optimism to create the ultimate realism. I don't care about how you feel about how I felt, although your opinions are part of me. I am a part of you, and what I do is too.

I am unsure what to call this, I am sure it has been felt by somebody before me. I am open to comments, concerns, opinions, etc. I would love to hear them about how i feel. They are a part of me.

Saying all of this makes me feel better. It was like when I found out that my parents were separating, I pondered how my life would turn out, like the end of an excellent novel, and I became excited, and relieved from all the stress that is divorce. I still wonder where I am going to be in 5 years, hell I am wondering where I will be in a few months.

So thank you, whoever, whatever you are.
Good or bad, i appreciate your existence.
Bye.

Anti-Zenith

2006-11-23T14:36:00.000-05:00

I honestly think that this is going to be the worst thanksgiving I have ever had.
I mean first of all, it is just me and my mom, and so we are going to join up with another family. I do not have a problem with this, but there is something missing.
My mom offered to take us to West Virginia, I said "no" because I don't feel like traveling, and I don't really enjoy visiting with my family as much as I used to.

Last year's thanksgiving was warm, because I had somebody to share it with.
Now that the person is gone, it's just me and my family, whom I don't enjoy being around too much.

Today is one of those 'down days' I guess. Nothing to do but sleep, and wallow.

It takes not but two minutes to give me call, perhaps then will I be thankful.

I hope everybody has a happy thanksgiving.
I also hope that I realize everything around me that deserves thanking.

270 wives in the lake tonight.

2006-11-22T23:16:00.000-05:00

Still no word from him.

I want to have some tea with Maynard.

I think this is all i have to say.

incision.

2006-11-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

I hope I feel welcome, and I hope you do too.
If I feel uncomfortable for any reason,
I may leave again, and never come back.
I wait for you to speak to me.
Speak to me.

Hello Cruel World

2006-11-19T14:54:00.000-05:00

I'm real gone now..

2006-11-19T12:57:00.000-05:00

I just got myself out of something I have used for a long time.
Social Networking is shit.
I will remain on Facebook.
But I never plan on returning to myspace.
Sorry, if you are disappointed.
bye.

"...of doe's skin and petals"

2006-11-19T04:35:00.000-05:00

Never has a song quite hit the note on how i feel.
Ever.

[end]

267 + 1 = 268

2006-11-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

you know it!

I have the night off, as well as the day.
So if you want to do something like go see a movie or something
perhaps goto The Rocky Horror Picture Show with me, I'm up for it.

I need to get some research done, but by 9 o' clock I will be done with my daily dosage of work.

Here is whats going on tonight [Esquire] :

Casino Royale: 7,10

Babel: 710, 1005

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Midnight.

There are free showings of various foreign films going on at Main Street Cinemas.

Give me a call 260-0066
if you want to hang out or something.

Rocky may need some convincing on your part, because I am quite out of the Rockyness.
I do have the DVD if you would like a pre-screening of Rocky if you are a virgin.

Peace out homisans

I threw up today and i noticed the numbers "267" floated to the top.

2006-11-18T15:44:00.000-05:00

Last night was possibly the longest night of my life.
After we were all asleep that is.
I just didn't have a grasp of time.
I kept waking up every 15 minutes thinking it was like 6 o' clock.
But after I woke up for good it was only like 3:45.
I need to find my casio.

Worst nightmare in a while.
And nobody to console me.

Anyways.
I decided to post an image.
I don't even think I showed Kayla..

It's me as a baby.
I scanned it from a polaroid a year or two ago.
I used to bring it everywhere with me..

i wish i had a picture of me now laying like that so i could do one of those juxtaposition shots.

Hahaha. i'm going to try and edit this later with a photo like that
too bad i dont have my camera! [points]

Goodday ladies
Goodnight gentlemen.

"I thought I was someone else, someone good"

2006-11-16T15:15:00.000-05:00

http://www.globalorgasm.org/

i said something vulgar

"its like hands across america.."

fill in the blank, it was beautiful.

I wish somebody would take me out for some tea or something.

perhaps my time will come soon.

bye.

-Lou Reed "Perfect Day"

Pigs.

2006-11-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

speaking of fucked:

There was a guy who was tasered at a library in UCLA because he didn't have his library card.

Abuse of power, indeed.

I mean what the fuck are the cops thinking?
You don taser somebody because they refuse to get out of the libary in a timely manner.
You don't fucking go there. You give him a fucking citation or something.
You don't fucking taze him.

Brain's tossed like salad.

2006-11-16T14:03:00.000-05:00

I am a coward.
I run from confrontation.
What do I say?
What do I do?
Do I give a high five?
So I say, "Hello" in a weird voice?

This is so fucked.

I am walking home after a talk with the Beast.
I am coming down the hill.
I recognize that jacket, I was there when it was freed from their stock.
I recognize the bandanna from a mile away.

This is so fucked.

Fuck Dreams

2006-11-16T11:15:00.000-05:00

Dreams give me false hopes.
Dreams lead me to to believe in something
that can never happen.

I wish I never would of went to sleep.

Ever

2006-11-15T22:29:00.000-05:00

So do you people think of my new profile pic?
I made it a couple of days ago using GIMPshop [http://www.gimpshop.net/]
I like it alot.

Since I can use it like paint, or photoshop i may start doodling again.
I used to make magnificent pictures when I met kayla.
That was using MSpaint...
I use a mac nowadays and I don't really like to move back to world of Windows XP.
I'd rather stay in an AQU[A}eous enviornment.

I think Thom and crew is helping.
They don't need to get into a car to come save me.
They don't need to overcome any feelings of uneasiness to come save me.
They don't need to do anything to come save me.

BTW its International Film Week at UC.
Free films from around the world at Mainstreet Cinemas.
I plan on going to a show or a few.
If you see me, say hey or something I may be distracted, by life.

oooh val kilmer.. denzel- WTF my roommate turned the tv station to another commercial. He must hate black people. I haven't watched a Val Kilmer flick in a while, not since that one about how tries to save the native americans.
It was really good.
hahaha ICEMAN!

I know it is getting hard to keep up with updates as I have been updating freak-wently.

Just take it in how you can.
A post a day keeps the doctor away.

Today I was watching Law and Order and Fred Savage [The Wonder Years, Working] played a rapist.
I am unsure how the show came out, because I was kidnapped by Music.

Lately I have been making Shirley Temples out of cans of Big K and just pouring a little grenadine in it. It's quite good. Keeps me going.

I need a book to read.
I have alot of them, but I need something to read.
I also need to get started on an 8 page research paper that is due in a few weeks.
It's on the path of a screenwriter and the debate about film school.

Nowadays few people are actually taking the time to help people out.
I mean in my case, I have people saying hey to me from time to time and thats just great.

But for some other people, I think I am the only one to help them.
I feel good if I am, but people should dedicate more time to helping others, unless they need to get that project perfect.

Highschool, what a waste of time.
I made it out of there fine, and I hardly put any effort into it.

College is harder, but I tend to slack still.

I miss some of my tshirts.
Like my radiohead one.
I find it so awesome that the tag that is on the outside, the one that is on where the two halves of the shirt come together it says: "Where I end and You Begin" but it is spelled different, just the necessary letters.

The message on the back means something to me, because I have felt it twice.
But I don't think like that anymore.

Goodnight.

The Ugly Dumpling.

2006-11-15T20:02:00.000-05:00

I am the boogeyman.
I scare my friends.
There is irony.
I am scared myself.
I cannot explain
what comes from me.
It's a curse.
The only cure is
friends.

Today is one of the few days where I cannot explain myself to anybody, because I am afraid of how they are going to react.

You know everything is fucked when where you say things is accessible by all your friends, and you cannot tell them what you think.

I don't like where this is going.
I need more like Ben.

Perhaps I'll turn into something beautiful
but I am uncertain as to what a dumpling becomes, other then shit.

Note: MTVU is not very good.

-Corey

"Donald has all the money..."

2006-11-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

Nothing has come up more in a conversation.
I find myself talking about it more than I did before all of this.
It's weird to see more connections when you're disconnected.

I have always wondered why Jason Lytle is so fucking pissed in the song Florida.
He is screaming.
And when I first heard this along time ago, I thought it was funny.
I mean Grandaddy is known for its mellow, and soft tunes. It's Jason's voice really.
But now when I listen to Florida, he is screaming his fucking brains out. It sounds like he is crying or something. I have never heard more a contrast. It's like seeing a firefighter who has saved hundreds of people, just stand outside of a burning house, taking a piss on the wall or something.

It's just pure contrast thats all.

So if you are a fan of grandaddy, pick up Excerpts from the Diary of ToddZilla. listen to Florida. Listen to Lytle.
Tell me if you hear it too.

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I was just telling myself what I was feeling.

Thats basically the bottom line.
I want things to go well.
But right now that's just impossible.
It's to the mountains with me.
Off for good.
To my log cabin.
With fire, and water from a fucking well.

I will leave you all with a gift so when I go, you will have something to remember me by.

Its called [M]Erk Mix

1. Open Book - Cake
2. Agenda Suicide - The Faint
3. Hey You - Pink Floyd
4. Happiness is a Warm Gun - The Beatles
5. Florida - Grandaddy
6. Ship in a Bottle - Bright Eyes
7. Daria - Cake
8. Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes
9. Wordless Chorus - My Morning Jacket
10. Oh Yoko - John Lennon
11. Noticed - Mutemath
12. It Beats 4 U - My Morning Jacket
13. No News Is Bad News - Cursive
14. Chaos - Mutemath
15. Light Pollution - Bright Eyes
16. Where I'm Anymore - Grandaddy
17. Bad Sects - Cursive

Sorry Eric.
I didn't mean to be a Native American giver.

Sorry Native Americans,
I didn't mean to offend you, or accuse you of taking back what you give.

I'm going to the mountains,
not anywhere else.
When the winter gets colder, I'll come back.
Somebody may need somebody to enjoy tea with.
Somebody with a Y in their genes.
Send me letters.
Please.

"It's time to stick a fork in the merciless socket of time"

2006-11-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

Every time I finish a book, I expect the ending to make me feel different.
Not epiphany different, but maybe something that I can grasp and carry on
throughout the rest of my day, or maybe even life. The books I read, or have read are not full of these.

I just finished Choke, and i need to re-read the ending a little.
I understand the ending sure, but perhaps I am reading too much into it.

---------------------

Today, while walking home from Math class - By the way, I think I did great on the test - I thought about myself as a writer. I began thinking how I have developed, even if that means only a little.

I believe that death is a thing that is easily expressible but it is hard to do it right. For example, the last two Wes Anderson films there was death. But the films before there are not. It is a stepping stone of expression. Recently, I wrote about my own death in a short story called Cord. Sorry, if you haven't read it because I just ruined the ending. It's a dark story, thats all. And unlike most of the stories I write, it is in third person. This person, the speaker, cannot do a single goddamn thing to save me. It is hopeless, and so am I.

Power through vagueness, let the audience decide - thats what I would always say.
The vagueness is dissappearing.
and the focus is more on conveying the message in a smooth manner.

As for my own death, I don't plan on dying anytime soon.
So you scheming menaces, get cracking on some plans to try and get rid of me.

Things are getting better, but I am afraid I can never be friends with her again; at least not for now, because I am still the way I am. I am just contemplative. Don't take me too seriously, I am just buzzing right now from all this stress and acheivement.

By the way, I never finished revising that essay, so wish me a fucks worth of luck
and a good day to you all.

-cursive "The Sunks"

2006-11-14T00:30:00.000-05:00

I am starting to feel worse again.
I sink low to the bottom of the ocean.
I don't think I have gills anymore.
Put me in the sky,
I don't think I have wings anymore.

[keep in mind that this post shouldn't exist either]

2006-11-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

at 8 pm.
8 pm.

yes 8 pm.

this is when i need to get working on my partially revised paper.
if I don't get this finished, I will lose.
I will lose.
Losing is not an option.

Speaking of loser.
I was in a coffee house today.
Wondering.
I wondered.
I became disappointed.
she looks 25, i'm 17.

is there an instant of transience when it just doesn't come back?

[i don't want this to exist either.]

just remember that.

2006-11-13T19:48:00.000-05:00

[this entry doesn't exist.]

Memory Note: 1

2006-11-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

before i forget.

Me and Ben proved that cars that have manual transmissions are by far better than cars with automatic transmissions.

ok.

Ludlow.
Sitwells.
exeunt

Ben cannot get his car started.
The battery is dead.
He looks at his steering wheel in disappointment.
As I sit, waiting for him to do something, he turns his head to me and says
"I know how we can get my car started without a jump."

See there is this problem with where we are parked.
First, we are on the very edge of the "no stopping/parking zone" on a paid meter for 18 minutes more. If somebody were to give us a jump, they would clog the lane that they were in and block the busy roadway for at least 10 minutes. The cops would certainly deal with us. So getting a jump is certainly out of the question.

He tells me that we could shift the car into second gear, with the car off. Hold the clutch down and get the car started by pushing it into second gear speeds.

Sound Familiar?
Have you ever seen Little Miss Sunshine?
Well, thats what they do to get the van started.

So we push, and seconds later he got the car started, and we were off.

this has been a memory note.

-Corey